• The Hacker Song

Original song: Put Another Nickel In.

Put another password in,
Bomb it out and try again
Try to get past logging in,
We're hacking, hacking, hacking

Try his first wife's maiden name,
This is more than just a game,
It's real fun,
but just the same,
It's hacking, hacking, hacking

Sys-call, let's try sys-call. Remember, that great bug from version 3,
Of R S X, It's here! Whoopie!

Put another sys-call in,
Run those passwords out and then,
Dial back up, we're logging in.
It's hacking, hacking, hacking

• Hack, Hack, Hack

Original song: Fun, Fun, Fun.


Well, she got her dad's account
And she broke into his office mainframe, now
Seems like she forgot all about the term paper
Like she told her old man, now
And with her eye on the modem
Goes typin' just as fast as she can, now
And she'll just hack, hack, hack
'Till her daddy takes her keyboard away
Well, the sysops can't stand her
'Cause she speaks Unix just like an ace, now
(She speaks like an ace, now, she speaks like an ace)
She takes the BBS software
And really puts it through its pace, now
(Puts through its pace, now, puts through its pace)
IBM tried to catch her
But she led 'em on a wild goose chase, now
(Wild goose chase, now, wild goose chase)
And she'll just hack, hack, hack
'Till her daddy takes her keyboard away
Well, you knew all along
That the Feds were gettin' wise to you, now
(You shouldn't have tried, now, you shouldn't have tried)
And since they took your set of disks
You've been thinkin' that your fun is all through, now
(You shouldn't have lied, now, you shouldn't have lied
But you can come and work for me
'Cause we've got a lot of things to do, now
(Do you think you can help me finish debugging Windows 95?)
And we'll just hack, hack, hack
Uncle Sammy took your keyboard away
And we'll just hack, hack, hack
Now that daddy took your keyboard away...

• The Hacker's Battle Hymn

Original Song: The Battle Hymn of the Republic.

He logged on the eleven,
And his name was "JAB."
The monitor went crazy
On this blighted PDP.
Oh, it never knew what hit it,
Just a hack from DDT.
The Hacker's just logged in.

Chorus:
Woe be it to the system,
Woe be it to the system,
Woe be it to the system,
The Hacker's just logged in.

The Hacker went a-working
All the way into SYSTAT.
He made so many options,
That it made DEC flip its hat.
The op'rator was dazzled
For his Hazeltine went ZAP!!
The Hacker's just logged in.

(Chorus)

He started in the summer
Of 1970.
"For me, I'll find a free account,"
Thus sayeth JAB;
Fin'lly moving up to
Gunning everybody's tree,
The Hacker's just logged in.

(Chorus)

• A Hacker's Lot

Original song: A Policeman's Lot.

When a hacker's not engaged in compilation, compilation,
Or single-stepping code in adb, adb,
His/her concept of enlightened conversation, conversation,
Is as far removed from coding as can be, as can be.
One misnomer is as good as any other; any other,
A "hacker" is the soul who makes things run, makes things run,
Ah, take one consideration with another, with another,
A hacker's lot is not a happy one.
Oh, a hacker is the soul who makes things run, makes things run;
A hackers lot is not a happy one, happy one.

Though our lucid comments gush with human feeling, human feeling,
And clearly document each program's works, program's works,
The remote mail system shows no signs of healing, sign of healing,
And nroff still contains annoying quirks, 'noyying quirks,
Our aesthetics we, with difficulty, smother; 'culty smother,
When an "rm -r *" must be undone, be undone,
Taking one consideration with another, with another,
A hacker's lot is not a happy one.
Oh, when an "rm -r *" must be undone, be undone,
A hacker's lot is not a happy one, happy one.

• The Hacker's Song

Original song: The Lumberjack's Song.

I'm a hacker and I'm okay.
I work all night and I sleep all day.

I wrote some hacks in APL,
each on a single line.
They're mutually recursive,
and run in n-squared time!

(chorus:)
Oh, he's a hacker and he's okay.
He works all night and he sleeps all day.
I'm a hacker and I'm okay.
I work all night and I sleep all day.

I wrote two hacks in MACRO,
with UUOs galore.
One plays Nim on the console lights,
while the other zeros core!

(chorus)
I wrote a hack in Snobol,
with FORTRAN subroutines,
It spits out trashy stories,
for ladies' magazines!

(chorus)
I wrote some hacks in InterLisp,
they barely fit in core.
The swapper thrashed its guts out,
So now it runs no more.

(chorus)
I wrote a hack in microcode,
with a goto on each line,
it runs as fast as Superman,
but not quite every time!

(chorus)
I wrote some hacks in Ada,
and still can't run them yet,
Do you suppose we'll see that day?
On it, I wouldn't bet!

(chorus)
I wrote a hack for UNIX
While it was still in vogue.
It knows the tricks to pacman,
and plays mean games of rogue!

(chorus)
I wrote some hacks, distributed,
across our neat gateway.
Each one of its 10 functions
kills RIG in a different way!

(chorus)
I wrote some hacks in Mlisp,
to edit files of root.
It writes them back no-execute,
And now it won't reboot!

(chorus)
I wrote some hacks to manage jobs
with PLITS and IPC.
Its very first activity,
was firing the faculty!

(chorus)
I wrote some hacks with P and V
to synchronize my life.
Now I can't use the bathroom,
I'm deadlocked with my wife!

(chorus)
I wrote a hack (in theory),
it may not ever halt.
But if it does, just watch out...
[Fatal Error: Infinite Page Fault]

(chorus)
I wrote a hack with hough transforms
for our folks at DoD.
It'll guide their fancy missiles,
to Washington, D.C.

I'm a hacker and I'm okay,
I work all night and I sleep all day.
I'll have a system of my own someday,
that'll run my code in a hacked-up way.

• The Hackers are Best

Original song: A Song of Patriotic Prejudice (The English are Best).

The Hackers, the Hackers, the Hackers are Best!
I wouldn't give tuppence for all of the rest
The day-to-day use of this system of ours
We've left in the hands of three unfriendly powers
Examine the Serviceman, User, or Op
You'll find he's a luser with nothing up top.

The oper is mean, as we're all well aware
And if you crash the system, he's sure to go spare
He deletes our print jobs, he works all the day
And he hasn't the source code to show him the way

The Hackers, the Hackers, the Hackers are best
I wouldn't give tuppence for all of the rest

The serviceman now our contempt is beneath
He swaps random parts and he strips all the teeth
He causes headcrashes, or so I have heard
And blames it on the servo microcode word

The Hackers are vocal, the Hackers are nice
And worth any other at double the price

The User writes programs, which crash when they can
Not assembler code, but unstructured Fortran
He works all the day with a Mouse in his hand
And has problems with bitwise binary AND

And out on the network, you cannot say much
For the IBM or DEC, the Sequent or such
The support is useless, they make us see red
And they work the hours when we should be in bed

The Hackers are moral, the Hackers are good
And clever, and modest, and misunderstood

And all the world over, each system's the same
They've simply no notion of being insane
They chose obvious password, they leave when they're done
And they read the F-ing manual, which ruins the fun

The Hackers, the hackers, the hackers are best
So up with the Hackers and down with the rest

It's not that they're wicked or naturally bad
It's knowing they're lusers that makes us so mad

For the Hackers are all that a people should be
And the flower of the Hackers are [Insert net.god here] and me

• Hacking Iron

Original song: Sounding Brass.

Society frowns on blowing one's own trumpet
But we've found a game that merits no rebuke
If that's the password file we're going to dump it
It's more fun with a Tektronix or a Fluke
The object is to login as your neighbour
"I've got system privs" is the acid test
So flip the sense switch one up
And watch those DECpacks run up
And hack our mainframe systems with the best
Looking round the worldwide network
Searching through the system cache
Bigger, faster, newer, smarter See the networked systems crash

My dial-in port's ex-directory should you wish to make a call
Mine is even more exclusive (More exclusive?)
I won't have dial-in at all
(spoken)
You can always e-mail me - net.god@uk

(lines now alternated)
I've a packet radio network, though it can't receive a thing
I've my own direct connection, straight into the Cambridge Ring
I've a disk pack, arrives daily, with the next software update
All my software comes via IR (via what??)
To my H - P - forty - eight
I believe my home computer runs full Unix system five
I lost 20 gigs of software when I crashed my hard disk drive
I've been asked to build a handheld, complete with network IO
I've been asked to rebuild Unix - for security you know
My local network login site runs R S X version 3
All my net backdoors fly open when I enter 'Sesame'
Your task privs are 'user, user', My task privs are 'root, root, root'
I've just bought an net monitor (Bought a what?)
(An net monitor) Oh yes, I run one when I boot

Looking round the worldwide network
Searching through the system cache
Bigger, faster, newer, smarter
See the networked systems crash

DEC has just been taken over, we got in without a pause
We've acquired an Alpha system, bigger, faster, far than yours

• Hackingham Palace

Original song: Buckingham Palace.

They've changed passwords at Buckingham Palace
    [Hack]
            [Hack]
                    [Hack]
                            [Hack]
Christopher Robin logged in with Alice
    [Hack]
            [Hack]
                    [Hack]
                            [Hack]
Alice can't get into New Scotland Yard
These soldiers' codes are terrible hard
    [Hack]
            [Hack]
                    [Hack]
                            [Hack]
Said Alice

• American Pie --- Hacker Style (Bye Bye, Unix)

Original song: American Pie.

Long, long, time ago, I can still remember
How UNIX used to make me smile...
And I knew that with a login name
That I could play those UNIX games
And maybe hack some programs for a while.
But February made me shiver
With every program I'd deliver
Bad news on the doorstep,
I couldn't take one more spec...
I can't remember getting smashed
When I heard about the system crash
And all the passwords got rehashed
The Day That UNIX Died...
And I was singing:
Chorus: Bye, bye, nroff, rogue and vi
Gave my program to Phil Levy but Phil Levy was high,
The boys on the board were sayin' "fuck this, goodbye."
Singin' this'll be the day that I die...
This'll be the day that I die

Did you write the new games shell
And do you have faith in the manual?
If b:dennie tells you so...
Well, do you believe in UNIX C
Can hacking save you memory
And can you tell me why vi's so slow
Well, I know that you're in love with C
'Cause I saw your code on UNIX B
You just kicked off your shoes
Man, you cleaned up every kludge!
I was a lonely young computer geek
With a program due 'most every week
But I guess that I was meant to freak
The Day That UNIX Died And I was singin:

(chorus)

Well, for ten weeks we've been in this class
The professor really is an ass.
But that's not how it used to be...
When Ira Pohl taught in CIS 12
And user limits could go to hell
And there was still space on UNIX C.
And while the board was looking 'round
The Chancellor brought the budget down
The classes were adjourned
Evaluations weren't returned
And while Huffman read a book by Pohl
The CIS board made some prof's heads roll

And we wrote programs that weren't whole The Day That UNIX Died
And we were singin'...

(chorus)

Helter skelter in the summer swelter
I went in the lab to find some shelter
Ninety degrees and risin' faaaaaasst!!!
C stayed up for ten whole days
The hackers really were amazed
Wonderin' how long it all would last.
Well, both the forums were really great
Nobody got us all irate
We had a stroke of luck
The system was not fucked
'Cause the hackers kept their code real clean
The UNDR-shell was really keen
Do you recall what was the scene
The Day That UNIX Died
And we were singin...

(chorus)

Our programs were all in one place,
UNIX had run out of space
 With no time left to start again...
So, Jack be nimble, Jack be quick,
Use every programming trick
'Cause UNIX may soon crash again...
And as I watched the system fill
My login process would be killed.
 The system just went down
Consternation up at Crown!!!!
The hours went on into the night
And all that we could do was rite
I saw Dennie laughing with delight
The Day That UNIX Died And he was singin'...

(chorus)

I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked her for some stat lab news
 But she just cursed and said "grow up"
I went down through the stat lab door
Where I'd learned of UNIX years before
But the man there said that UNIX wasn't up
And in the halls the students screamed,
The majors cried and the hackers dreamed,
But not a word was spoken
The Vaxes all were broken
And the three folks I admire most
The Father, Frank, and a.g.'s ghost
They caught the last train for the coast
The Day That UNIX Died
And they were singin...

So bye, bye, nroff, rogue and vi
Gave my program to Phil Levy but Phil Levy was high.
The boys on the board were sayin' "fuck this, goodbye"
Singin' this'll be the day that I die...

• I'm Hacking Up Some CNAME's

Original song: I'm Leaving On A Jetplane.

All my tags are hacked, my memory's low
An ancient kernel, it's version 4
I'd hate to boot it just to see it fry
But NAMEd is broken, harddrive is worn,
I'm really desperate, (I can blow away KORN)
If I don't get DNS up, pings will die
-chorus-
So list files and delete db's
Might as well d'lete the whole tree
Address it like it's one big single host
I'm hackin' up some CNAME's
Hope I don't have to hack again
Oh boy, I hate this so

There's so many zones that were not found
No SOA (I've looked around)
A named.conf, but that don't mean a thing
I look around; look, a named.boot
Every name I ping; It pings to who?
nslookup won't do a single thing

-chorus-

Now it's time to update the serial
Save the file, it's no big issue
Restart NAMEd and we'll be on our way
Stream about to finally come
Remember when this used to be fun?
Resolved to the wrong host, but what the hey..

-chorus-

• Rudolph, the Emacs Hacker

Original song: Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

Rudolph, the Emacs Hacker
Wrote alot of e-LISP code
And if you ever ran it
It would lighten up your load
All of the other hackers
Used to call his programs names
They never let poor Rudolph
Play any computer games
When, one night, a process crashed
Someone went to say
"Rudolph, with your cuspy hacks,
Can you get my edits back?"

Then all the hackers loved him
And they shouted out with glee
"Rudolph, the Emacs Hacker --
You'll go down in wizardry!"

• The Wonderful Hacker

Original song: The Marvelous Toy.

When I was a wee undergrad,
My roommate gave to me
A user name and a password, too:
8-M-J-4-X-3.
I first bombed disk,
And then dumped core,
And then slaved the cty.
And then I stole "acct.sys"
And watched the system die.
Oh, it went

-- crunch --
When it moved, and
-- boots --
When it stopped, and
--         --
When it stood still.
They never knew just who it was
And I guess they never will.

• Hacker

Original song: Unknown

"Mom, Dad, you're here, that's swell
There's something important I have to say
I’ve found my soul mate, his name is Dell
Oh, no. Don’t worry. No, I’m not gay!

Dell and I, you see, are one
He does what I command
I simply think it, and it’s done
The world is in my hand

Today I’m in the Pentagon
Shall we bomb Saddam?
Just one click and he's gone
Terrorist, be damn

Hey, Dad. Short a little cash?
A hundred thousand, will that do?
One click here and you’ll have it in a flash
Now, please get yourself something new!

And, Mom, how about a shopping spree?
Diamonds, clothes and so much more
You can have anything at all. What shall it be?
All delivered promptly to your door

Oh, now I’ve got it. How about the evil IRS.
A nice invasive virus that should do the trick
Let’s raise a little havoc and create a nasty mess
Oh, don’t you love it? I’m so dawn slick!

I’m so happy now, it’s like a wondrous dream
We’re powerful, almighty, invincible, Dell and me
We are like the Gods. Oh, I think I’m going to scream!
For I shall have the glory, forever it shall be

Well, son. I hate to spoil your glorious day
But, your being a crook isn't pleasing to me
And, I must warn you, the FBI is on its way.
I’m afraid the fun is over now, so please cut the glee!

What? No joking now. This cannot be.
I ran my cloaking program, that’s right
From home to satellite and then a ship at sea
I’m invisible, Dad, completely out of sight

That’s not it. Your cloaking worked just fine.
It’s when your little sister came to say, "Hi."
You blew her off, and that really crossed the line
You yelled and screamed at her, "Out, away, goodbye!

"Now you little punk, go! Leave my room!
And don't come back, If you do I’ll log on PBS
And your friend Barney will go boom!"
She left in tears, upset, her face a mess

You laughed at her, had so much fun
But she was sick, in pain, despair
She went right to the phone and dialed 9-1-1
"There’s a bomb strapped to Barney’s chair!"

Why did you do it? I’m simply at a loss
Steal, destroy—take jobs away
Now a jail cell will be your cross
So, it’s over now. What have you to say?

I did it ‘cause I could, I’m just so good you see
That’s just the way I am. And when I get out
We’ll do it all again, I mean Dell and me
Because we’re the best without a doubt.

• Accidental Hacking

Original Song: Unknown

You may not believe this story, but I assure you it is true.
Each week I volunteer at our library and one of the jobs I do…
is to use Clorox wipes to sanitize the public computer section.
No germ is safe when I get going; NONE avoid detection.
As I wipe across a keyboard ….I sometimes see the screen flicker,
but I don't pause to pay attention, else my boss will shout "Clean quicker! "

The other day, in the U.S. Mail, by registered mail, receipt-requested,
I got an envelope (return address "NSA"): I was shocked by what.....it suggested.

It seems our country's ‘security agency' had received recent complaints.
They'd been asked by many to find a U.S. hacker …..and apply restraints.
The NSA's agents had narrowed down the list of suspects to ……JUST ME!
It seems my random wiping of keys had caused a hacking spree.

The Russians had held back in Europe, feeling their plans were compromised.
Trump said he'd had proof, of Obama's foreign birth, stolen. (I wasn't surprised.)
Coca-Cola claims its secret formula's been stolen; they've forgotten what it was.
Even Santa's called about hacking at the North Pole. His elves are all abuzz.

Well I called the toll free number supplied and asked for agent "Q".
I explained that perhaps their suspicions were correct. What was I to DO??
She said "For now don't DO anything. We'll send a cleaning crew."
So now each week I just shelve books. My cleaning days are through.

If you know any other hacking songs, let us know.